THE LITTLE MERMAID DESERVED BETTER (AND SO DID CAPTAIN HOOK, DAMN IT)
Alright, people, let’s talk about justice — or rather, the complete lack of it when it comes to certain characters.
First up, we have our tragically mistreated ocean girl, the Little Mermaid — who got screwed over by pretty much every single person in her life. Then, we have Captain James Hook, a man so violently elegant that even his death had to be poetic. And somewhere in the depths of an alternate timeline where vengeance is properly served, these two meet.
THE LITTLE MERMAID: HOW THE WORLD CHEWED HER UP AND SPAT HER OUT
We need to talk about this absolute travesty of a situation because I am not okay with it.
1. The Prince Was a Walking Red Flag with Legs
Let’s start with this beautiful disaster of a man — the prince. You know, the one she literally gave up everything for. Her home? Gone. Her voice? Stolen. Her ability to walk without feeling like she was stepping on knives? Also gone. And what does this ungrateful goldfish-brained fool do?
He calls her his “foundling.”
He lets her sleep on a cushion outside his door like a stray puppy.
He enjoys her company, sure, but does he love her? No.
He’s obsessed with another woman, who did NOT, I repeat, DID NOT save him.
Then, after all that, he marries someone else (I mean totally different person – not “Ariel”, not the one he was obsessed about, just a princess from another kingdom, a stranger) — and has the absolute audacity to tell the Little Mermaid that she should be happy for him.
Sir. Sir. You are the reason she is literally about to dissolve into sea foam and eternal regret.
2. Andersen Was Running Some Kind of Misery Experiment
Andersen looked at this story and said, “You know what would make it more tragic? If she doesn’t even get a proper name – or death, at that matter.”
Oh, no, no. She doesn’t just die. That would be too easy. Instead, she gets turned into an unpaid ethereal intern for 300 years, doomed to float around and watch over human children — yes, the same species that did absolutely nothing for her.
It’s like watching a friend get dumped in the worst way possible, only for them to say, “But at least I learned something from the experience.” NO. NO, YOU DIDN’T.
3. Disney Said: “What if We Took All the Pain Away?”
Enter Disney’s 1989 adaptation, where they decided, “Okay, let’s just make it about a girl who really loves singing and collects shiny things.”
Yes, Ariel (name given her by Disney) has a personality. Yes, she fights back a little. But the part where she is literally bleeding out of her feet with every step? GONE. The soul-crushing weight of her silent suffering? GONE. Instead, she gets a magical happy ending because her cute animal sidekicks helped her out.
Listen, I love Disney movies, but sometimes they take a character’s deepest suffering and just… erased that shit out of existence. The real Little Mermaid’s story was about sacrifice, loss, and unspoken pain. But you know what she actually deserved?
A SECOND CHANCE.
And this is where we talk about the man, the myth, the hook-handed legend.
CAPTAIN HOOK: HOW DISNEY TURNED A TERRIFYING, CULTURED MURDERER INTO A BUMBLING CARTOON IDIOT
First, let’s talk about who Hook was supposed to be, before we get into how Disney absolutely nerfed him into comedic villain territory.
1. Barrie’s Hook: The Gothic Nightmare in a Wig
Cadaverous. Black-haired. Melancholic eyes like forget-me-nots — except when he’s enraged, and then they BURN.
Dresses like a 17th-century nobleman, because if you’re going to be a pirate, you might as well serve looks while committing murder.
Speaks like a gentleman, kills like a demon.
Obsessed with “good form.” Meaning, he believes fights should have rules. Order. A structure. And it kills him that Peter Pan fights with pure chaos.
Has a literal ticking clock of doom. A crocodile that follows him everywhere because it ate his hand and liked the taste.
Hook was terrifying, but he wasn’t mindless. He was elegant. A poetic villain with class and menace.
2. Then Disney Said: “What If We Made Him a Clown?”
Bumbling. Petty. Screaming half the time.
More scared of the crocodile than he is of Peter.
Gets outwitted by a bunch of prepubescent boys on a daily basis.
Just… pathetic.
Disney robbed Hook of his menace. Where was the cold-blooded murderer who could command a ship with an iron grip?
Now, imagine if the real Hook — the refined, deadly original — met someone like our wronged, vengeful mermaid.
THE CROSSOVER WE DESERVE: ARIEL & HOOK’S REIGN OF TERROR
Picture this:
It’s the day of the Prince’s wedding, and “Ariel” — our real, suffering mermaid — is betrayed once again. Because not only does her prince marry someone else, but the princess realizes Ariel is a threat to her new, perfect marriage.
So, she does what any ruthless royal would do — she has Ariel thrown overboard.
The last thing Ariel sees before she hits the waves is the prince not even looking back.
But instead of turning into seafoam, she crashes into the ocean, half-drowned, bleeding, barely conscious — when a ship looms above her.
A ship with black sails and a captain in a crimson coat.
The Jolly Roger.
Hook’s men fish her out of the sea, and the moment she wakes up, she isn’t the same girl anymore. She isn’t some silent, suffering foundling. She isn’t a fragile, lovesick princess.
She is the daughter of the ocean, and she has nothing left to lose.
What Happens Next?
Hook doesn’t trust her at first. She’s a liability. But then she grabs a blade and fights like she was born for it.
She hates him. He is the worst kind of human, a monster. But he’s the first person who doesn’t look at her like a pretty little pet. He treats her like actual person. WOW!
Hook realizes she’s no delicate thing. She’s a storm, a siren without a song, and she wants blood.
She can’t walk on land, but on the deck of a ship? She is untouchable.
She becomes Hook’s most dangerous weapon — because she has all the rage of the sea, and she’s done being silent.
And somewhere along the way, the cold-hearted pirate who never trusted anyone starts to trust her.
And maybe… just maybe… she trusts him, too.
FINAL THOUGHTS: THE REDEMPTION STORY THEY NEVER GOT
Hook and Ariel both deserved better.
Not redemption, per se. But revenge.
For the prince who betrayed her.
For Peter Pan, who never played fair.
For a world that treated them like they were just another villain.
Together, they don’t become heroes.
They become a force of nature.
And Neverland?
Neverland has no idea what’s coming.
🔥And it’s coming soon – March 1st 2025🔥
And here, for you – Cover Project 🙂
