I saw something disturbing yesterday. A pattern, a trend — one that’s been lurking in the romance genre for ages, but every time I see it, I wonder: why is this still so popular?
I’m talking about stories where love is pain. Where he hurts you because he loves you. Where the “bad boy” is just a rebranded abuser, and the heroine is supposed to “fix” him. Where suffering is proof of devotion. Where the ultimate fantasy isn’t just romance — it’s survival.
And before anyone jumps in: yes, I get it. Readers will like what they like. Trauma narratives exist for a reason. Some people find catharsis in them. But here’s what haunts me: when these stories don’t just depict toxic relationships, but romanticize them. When they teach young readers — especially teenage girls — that enduring cruelty is the path to love. That abuse is just “rough affection.” That you are responsible for healing a man who doesn’t even see you as human.
I once read a blurb that went something like this:
“My husband beat me to death. I wake up ten years earlier, on our wedding day. I marry him anyway — because this time, I can change him.”
…Excuse me, WHAT?
If I ever catch my daughter reading something like that, I swear I will write an entire book just to counteract its message.
But let me be clear: I don’t have a problem with dark romance. I have zero issues with morally gray characters. Give me the killers, the assassins, the unhinged lovers who would burn the world for each other — I EAT THAT UP. I want my protagonists to be dangerous, intense, obsessive even… but not abusive.
There’s a massive, gaping canyon between “I would kill for you” and “I would kill you and call it love.”
I want my morally gray characters to be capable of horrific things, but never to their person. They can massacre an entire town, but they will never lay a harmful hand on the one they claim to love. They will respect boundaries, choices, autonomy — even when they are possessive little feral gremlins about it. Because obsession isn’t love when it strips away your partner’s agency.
Now, I know — it’s not good to massacre an entire town (let’s be clear, I am not endorsing fictional war crimes here 🤣). But that’s a different kind of lesson — a lesson in morals. And yes, morality is just as important as self-respect. The difference? If someone lacks morals, society has systems in place to deal with it — laws, police, justice (flawed as they may be). But if someone lacks self-respect, no one can step in and fix that for them. If they don’t help themselves, no one else will. And that’s why stories that strip heroines of self-respect and call it romance feel so deeply insidious to me.
Dark romance isn’t the issue. The issue is when it stops being “dark” and starts being straight-up abusive but framed as romantic.
If someone is constantly hurting you and apologizing but never changing, that’s not romance. That’s trauma bonding.
I’m a writer. I can’t control what’s trending, what people crave, or what dark fantasies keep the market alive. But I can control what I put out there. So here’s what I want to write:
🖤 Romance where respect and desire walk hand in hand. Where “bad boys” don’t get a free pass to be terrible people just because they brood attractively.
🔥 Stories where the heroine has agency. Where she makes her own choices—not just the ones that keep her tethered to a toxic man.
💀 Tales of escape, survival, and saying NO. Because sometimes the strongest love story is the one where she walks away.
👑 Fierce heroines, messy heroines, flawed but self-respecting heroines. Not perfect. Not always making the best choices. But never just taking it because “that’s what love looks like.”
I write the kind of books I want my kids to read—not because I expect them to (because let’s be real, kids are allergic to their parents’ interests), but because I want that kind of story to exist.
Not every romance needs to be a lesson. But if it’s teaching something, it damn well better be worth learning.
🔥 Dark romance lovers, tell me your thoughts! What’s your line in the sand? What makes a dark romance thrilling for you vs. what makes it cross into straight-up toxicity? And if you write dark romance, how do you handle that balance? Let’s talk! 🖤💬